Releasing the shame of not being farther along

In this episode, I'm sharing the powerful lessons from "I should be farther along" meltdown I had recently. If you've been feeling ashamed or frustrated about not being farther along, this is probably going to resonate DEEP and be exactly what you need to hear right now to reclaim your power, keep going and be kind to yourself along the way.

This is a replay from an IG live I did a few weeks ago - make sure to follow me

@madison.arnholt if you're not already ;)

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Full Episode Transcript:

Hello, and welcome to the magnetically you podcast. I'm your host Madison's or Diag, I'm a mindset energy coach here to help you feel your freaking best and manifest a life full of magic miracles and abundance. I know that whatever led you here did not happen by coincidence. So I am so excited and grateful to have you here. So let's let the magic begin.

So I want to share a story with you about a meltdown I had last night. And how, what I realized and what I felt and what I experienced and the lessons that came through. And really, what I want to talk about is releasing the shame of not being farther along, because this is what my meltdowns was about last night. So I was just, like, really believe, like feeling this story and energy in my brain saying, like, telling me that I should be farther along and that like, why are you not to there yet? And it's like, look at all these people who have million dollar coaching businesses and like, you haven't gone anywhere close to that, like it just not good enough. And just feeling of like, oh, like, when am I ever going to get there? How am I ever going to get there, and it was just like this feeling that sense of like, you know, I know, we've all felt it's like that shame, of not being farther along, because our brain is convincing us that we should be. And if we're not, then something is wrong with us, or we're doing something wrong, right, we make it mean something about us. So I let myself feel this last night. And I was just like crying and like just letting all these like emotions and stories like move through me just like allowing it all. And it was wild, because I feel like I've come so far with allowing myself to feel and process my emotions that like I used to literally never cry, and I still don't cry often. So it was like a huge like, sign of my open energy yesterday that I allowed myself to cry off, not for basically several hours and just feel what I was feeling without needing to fix it without needing to change it. And without buying into the story and reacting to the story that something was wrong with me, I needed to fix something and do something and change something and fix myself. And it's like, or I'm just a human experiencing a normal human thing. Let's be with a normal human thing. This is a wave of emotion, it will pass and this is all part of me. It's not wrong. It's not bad. It's all for my good. It's all for my life. It's all for my forward progress. So I allowed myself to just feel it all and be any at all. And allowed Trevor to witness my pain, which is something I've been working on is like instead of like closing and shutting down and hiding, when I'm hurt, allowing myself to remain open. And so I allowed myself to be seen and vulnerable in that experience with Trevor, which was incredibly uncomfortable on top of all of the emotions I was already feeling. And he held the space for me, which was so beautiful. And something that he said was like, you know, I just want to tell you that, you know, I know you haven't done like, done XYZ that you think you should have already done by now. But like, can we just talk about, like, how far you've come these last few years? Like look, who you've become, look, we've created an ounce, like, Oh, damn, that's true. I was like, that doesn't take away the emotions I'm feeling but I can also I can feel the emotions and I can see the truth in that. So it was like dancing. With that and just allowing it all being with it all feeling with it all sitting with it all rather than running from it, avoiding it, which just like perpetuates that spiral. And then perpetuate says honestly staying in the same circumstances. And I actually listen to an amazing podcast today from Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School podcast. And she was saying how we buffer and an S I'm like, How can I like describe this because it's like kind of like, it's kind of like confusing, but it's not actually confusing. So here we go. So she was saying how like, we have things in our life that we don't like so and instead of believing we can change them, showing up like we can change them and doing the things we noticed don't feel called to do to change them. We decide that it's like a lost cause. And then instead of doing the uncomfortable things to shift, we go into buffering so we drink we binge watch NetFlix, we over eat like whatever it is, and this keeps us stuck. because we're stuck, but then are we tired of stuckness to buffering, which is like this short term pleasure,

and then we think, Oh stucks not the here is not so bad after all stocks not so bad. After all, let me just like, stay here, right. And so when we take away the buffering, the avoiding the drinking of the wine, the binge watching of the next flicks, we're forced to actually feel the feelings of the experience. And that's a good thing. Because when you feel the feelings, it's like creates this, the when you feel the discomfort, it's like the discomfort creates a tension that can drive you into action that can drive you into change that can open you up to possibility. And also it's like, by feeling the emotions, it's like, we transmute them back into our power, it's all energy that wants to free flow and move through us. And when we stuff down, and we like make it stuck, it's like the energy feels stuck and feel stuck. And when we can allow ourselves to feel and process the emotions, they become free flowing again, and then we become free flowing again. And then we feel back in our power again, so I want to share with you kind of like, how I reclaimed my power and let go of this shame of being fart and snapping farther along really, really quickly. So I was in that last night, I let myself be in it for as long as I wanted some minutes. And then I woke up today I'm like, oh, here we go. It's a new day. And I wanted I woke up and I was like not feeling like doing anything. And I journal and I took a bath and a breakfast and like did the normal things I do still don't feel like doing anything. And I have this masterclass around energy ecstasy, which if you're not signed up, go to the link in my bio right now and sign up. It's going to be so amazing. But which I'm going to talk more about that in a little bit. But anyway, so I'm like, I have this master class tomorrow. The outline is not finished. And I would like to do that today. So that I can show up for this masterclass, I'm ready to rock and roll off tomorrow, but it really really really didn't want to do it. I was like, oh, maybe I'll just wake up really early tomorrow morning to do it. Maybe you'll feel better tomorrow and then I'll do it tomorrow, right? This waiting to take action until we feel better. Well guess what? That keeps you stuck in this spiral. So anyways, I'm like, oh, like I really don't want to do it. Like maybe I'll just watch those see all day and like, you know, chill and then I'll do it tomorrow morning. I'm like, Okay, listen. We're not canceling the masterclass I'm we're not going to hide and wait to feel better. We're going to allow ourselves to be a human and show up anyways. So that's what I did. Got myself together and went to a coffee shop picked up lunch went to a coffee shop is brand new one it was like a beautiful vibe. My, as soon as my magic came, I just felt this like, ah, like this is, this is amazing. I just let the simplicity of like being in this beautiful space and getting this like warm, delicious match would be amazing, right? I let myself feel how I was feeling and also allow in Oh, this is like the simple pleasure is amazing. Right? And so I did the outline. And guess what, it turned out just fine. I got through it. And then the more I as soon as I like was into it, it's like I was edited, I was feeling it. And I was inspired and I was in the flow. And so I did my outline. And then I made a reel on Instagram, which again did not really feel like doing that. But I did it anyways because I knew that I wanted to show up for myself to prove to myself that I could show up for myself regardless of how I'm feeling to show myself that I am not reliant on good vibes to create that I don't need to wait for perfect emotions. I don't need to be perfect in order to create value and to show up right? So I allowed myself to do all of that. By the end of going to the coffee shop. I felt good I felt solid I felt like wow like I'm back in I'm back in my power like Look what I just did. I was feeling like shit and yet I showed up for myself anyways and like Look what I just created. And then the momentum started to carry me I'm like whoa maybe I do an Instagram Live sharing about all of this. And who knows what's gonna kind of like carry on from this momentum that I allowed myself to lean into even though I didn't feel like it because I think in the spiritual world we convince ourselves like oh, I don't feel like it so it's not an alignment like nama state is gonna like chill we For the inspiration to strike me, and it's like,

okay, sure, sometimes that may be the most nourishing and appropriate thing for you. And then sometimes it's keeping you stuck, and it's keeping you small. And it's how can we develop the emotional resilience to distinguish between the two, and to become the person who isn't only able to feel like they can create or produce something of value only when you feel good. And then you create a life in a reality where you only get to receive when you feel good, and that's a fuckin roller coaster of life. So what else did I want to say? So I realized, like, after, you know, going through that last night, and then you know, just kind of like sitting with him today. And what Trevor said to me, I realize, like, oh, my gosh, like, I've been downplaying my life, not just like, externally, but to myself, I've been downplaying who I am. And what I've created, like, it's like, what is my brain doing with this? I should be farther along bullsh. And it's not enough bullshit, because that's exactly what it is. It's a fucking lie. And that's okay. All of our brands lie. They make up stories, and then we feel terrible. Like, it's part of being a human. But it's what are you going to do with that? Are you going to let it define you and keep you small and keep you stuck? Are you going to use it for your good, so I realized that I've been like, downplaying my life and what I've created and who I am and how fucking amazing of a coach I am, and how deeply I help my clients, and how amazing their results are, and how much that I've moved through. So I have I thinking about it today. And this is what I created, the real about is that I have everything I have everything that I wanted five years ago, I wanted to to quit my corporate job did that I wanted to have my own business. Here I am. I wanted to impact a lot of people. Here I am, I wanted to travel the world, definitely do that. I wanted to have the freedom to do whatever the fuck I wanted, whatever the fuck I wanted. Here I am. I'm like I don't even know. Like, I had to look at my computer to see what day it was. Because the days don't matter to me, because I'm not on anyone else's schedule. That's literally what I dreamed of when I was sitting at my cube at my corporate job, feeling miserable, hating my life. And that was manifesting in so many other ways. And also old trauma was manifesting that's like a whole other story, but like trauma from sexual abuse that then manifested that that was unprocessed, and then manifested into an eating disorder. And then all this disordered eating and chronic anxiety, and chronic back pain, and eczema. And no, I was working in the shop that I absolutely hated. So I was a total fuckin mess. And that's okay. Because I was where I was then too. And I was a human then too. And I just remember feeling like, I wanted nothing more, nothing more than to have my own business and to quit my job and to be on my own schedule, my own time and to actually feel fulfilled, and like I was making a difference, and to be able to travel and do the things I want. And it's like, I have all of that. And more, I have a fiance who is like, unbelievable. And loves me so so so unconditionally, and an office, I'm in my own office with views of the water and so beautiful. Again, something else I dreamed of for years, I no longer have my corporate job, I quit last. Like what year are we in? Yeah, about a year ago. I have this business, I have these amazing clients, I deeply serve and help my clients. And my brain still tried to pull the bullshit on me of, oh, well, it's not enough you should be farther along. Because look at that person making millions of dollars. And it's like, I know, I know, I'm capable that I know I'm going to have that. And so it's like, but the pain comes from when I think I should be there now. And if I'm not there now something is wrong and bad with me now. And it's just not true. It's like we get to feel proud of where we are and know we're capable of so much more like I feel like I'm like I have accomplished so much income so far and I'm and I've literally just scratched the surface on what I'm capable of. And that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's like life would be so fucking boring. If we felt like we had scratched the whole surface or done everything accomplished everything experienced everything. Well then what would we be living for? That's part of the human experience. Not being there is the experience. There's always going to be another there It's like, Who do you want to be

today? Because today is there that you thought about five years ago? So it's like, how can we find? Like, how can we know that there's, there's always going to be more, there's always going to be better. Yeah, of course, like your you have infinite potential, you will never reach all of your potential, that's at least my perspective on it. So that's not a bad thing. Our human brains might convince us that we should feel ashamed of that. But it's not bad. We're infinite beings. That's who we are. And we are inherently worthy enough, and then it's like, all this other stuff that we create is like icing on the cake. It's like we are our own best manifestation, you are your own best manifestation. And everything else gets to the icing on the cake. Like you get to, like, receive your life now and want more, you get to believe that I'm already living my dream life, and the best is yet to come. And so just because, you know, there's so much more, you know, you're capable of so much more, if you're anything like you're like, you know, you have huge dreams, right? And sometimes it can be overwhelming, like, Oh, my God, I know, I'm so so much big and like, How will I ever get there because it feels like so big, so massive, and cool. You get to want that. And you get to have that and you will, and it doesn't diminish how far you've already come. So my realization from from this was to own it, own it own who you are, own, what you've created, and know the best is yet to come. So it's like, I allowed myself to return to like, I'm fucking amazing. The work I do with my clients, it's fucking amazing. The life I have, it's fucking amazing. Yes, there's always more. But that doesn't mean now is not enough. And it's a dance we get to dance between now is enough, and I want more. And that's the dance of being a human. And the more we learn to, to play with that dance and feel the emotions of the dance, the more we expand our capacity to receive. Because it's like our, if we're not willing to feel the feelings that feel like low, then we're also not open to the feelings that feel like high. And it's like we're a human, we're going to experience it all. And I, you know, the one of the things that's so powerful that I work with my clients on is this emotional resilience, this emotional intelligence, this ability to feel and allow all of your emotions and to still be in your power and to still show up and to still create an amazing life and amazing results. And yes, you get to have it all. And yes, you're enough now. Because you are, your life is enough now, because it is it just is we cannot argue with what is and it's arguing with what is, is what causes us. Shame. And so, yeah, the message that I really want to share with you is that like, you're so much farther along than you think you're allowed to feel proud of yourself now, you're allowed to know that what you've accomplished and who you are is more than enough. Even if there's so much more you know you can accomplish or this person over here has done all of these things like you get to know that you are enough. You get to experience your power just because you do your power never goes anywhere. It's like the sun sure we might have these clouds over it we might have this shame over my these emotions over these stories telling us you should be farther along. But the sun is always there your power is always there. It is inherent, it is infinite, and it is unwavering. And when we can allow ourselves to, to feel our emotions to see them for what they are to move with them. We have reclaim our power. It's like I don't want to go too much into some like starting to get into what I'm teaching in the master class tomorrow. But it's like we

tried to just figure out how I want to describe this. It's like our like shame and discomfort and painful emotions are like these bubbles in the air. And it's like on the inside of them. Is the sun right is the power of that I was always there. But to touch the bubble, it's like, oh, the bubble like hurts, I don't want to touch it, I don't want to look at it. What if the bubble like pops, and it just like poisons me and takes me over and kills me, right? Boom, we're willing to pop the bubble to feel it, to experience it to allow it. It like the energy pops. And on the inside, we see oh, the sun is still there, my power is still there. And we reclaim our power. That's what I mean by this, like emotional intelligence. It's the we get these like emotions and energies that get that get like stuck and unprocessed in our body. Like what I was feeling yesterday was old, my inner voice was like, this is yours. This is like years old. This is like old, old, old energy that coming up to come out. And we have these old unprocessed stuck energies in our bodies. And it's like this giant ice cube and a river. Right. So it's not bad, the river can still move around, it's fine, there's no problem with an ice cube and a river, the river will be still be the river, I just might come up against a little more resistance against the eyes. So when we're actually allowing those to feel and process our emotions, it's not that we're getting rid of them and taking the IceCube out of the river, it's that we're melting the ice cube back into the river. So it's not that these parts of us are wrong, or we don't have to reject them, we can integrate them, we can feel them, we can accept them. And when we do it integrates back into the wholeness of who we are. And then we remember our power. And then we become the free flowing river again without the ice cube to bump up against. But it was never a problem to bump up against the ice cube because when it melted, we reclaimed more of our more of our power, more of our flow more of our lifeforce energy and allow that to flow through us and express through us. So hopefully that analogy makes sense. If this resonated with you definitely come to the energy ecstasy master class tomorrow, we're going to be diving deeper into all of this and deeper into the process that I take my clients through to really develop this like really, really, really steady solid sense of personal power, so that you can show up in the ways that you want to show up and create the results you want to create, while still being a human, and not letting your uncomfortable emotions and fears and doubts, like keep you small and keep you stuck anymore. So that's starting tomorrow, you can go to magnetical u.com/energy. Ecstasy, to sign up for that. And then I also want to invite you into my private coaching program, I have spots open right now, this is if you want to really, really, really dive deep into integrating this and you know, this is the thing that's been holding you back, you allowing your emotions to run the show, rather than your inherent power to run the show, I can help this is exactly what I help my clients to at least one of the you know, really, really main things that makes such a huge difference in the way that you get to experience your life and the things that you get to experience. It just opens you up to so much more. And I would absolutely love to help you anchor into this deep sense of inherent unwavering power within you. So if that is interesting to you, and you feel called to that you can book a free concert with me using the link in my bio, and it'll still be a really casual conversation, we're just going to chat about where you're at where you want to be what you feel like is holding you back and I'm going to let you know, like honestly and transparently like, do I believe I'm the coach who can help you move through that or not? And then we're both gonna see like, is there? You know, is there alignment for us both here? Like, is this a hell yes, for us both here. And if it is, we'll move forward. And if it's not cool, we got to get to know each other and find some clarity, right? So if you want to sign up for energy, ecstasy, again, that actually the link in my bio is for that. And same thing for private coaching. If you want to book a console call with me, link is in bio for that as well. And yeah, I just want to remind you that like it's okay to be a human like, I feel like hesitant to share this because I'm like, oh my god, I'm supposed to be this like expert, coach, like I'm not supposed to have meltdowns crying and experience shame of not being farther along. And it's like, I'm far

along, according to most standards of society, and yet I still experience shame. It's not a problem. It's only a problem if I make it a problem, right? And so you're allowed to be a human none of it means anything about who you are and what you get to have and it's like your humaneness actually is a gift and when you can allow it all it becomes like it all becomes workable. And I'll become becomes for you it all becomes like everything in the rivers moving this way so it can feel like you're going backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards. It can feel like this is what's happening. But in the bigger picture of what's actually happening is sure you might be ebbing and flowing. But ultimately you're moving forward even with I've been flowing. So anyways, I feel like I could go on about this forever. But I will leave you with that and sending you so much love. I want you do actually, before we go, I want you to right after this, go in front of the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes. I want you to give yourself a hug. Now when you say five times, I love you. I'm proud of you. I love you. I'm proud of you. I love you. I'm proud of you. I love you. I'm proud of you. I love you. I'm proud of you. And then so then ask yourself What else do I need to hear? And then say to yourself whatever else it is you need to hear and allow yourself to give yourself that compassion that understanding and see what comes through. Okay, that is all have a beautiful rest of your day. And I will see you on the next slide. Thank you so much for listening to the magnetical your podcast if this episode serve do I ask that you share it with someone who it could make a difference for or share it on social media and tag me at magnetically you. Make sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss any of the magic. And it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review on iTunes. Thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart for being here. And I will see you in the next episode.