7 SECRETS to building self-confidence

In this episode, I’m diving into 7 SECRETS to building self-confidence. If you feel like a lack of confidence is holding you back from living your life to the fullest, this is a must listen!

In this episode, you'll learn:

✧ How your brain uses the excuse of “lack of confidence” to avoid taking action and self-sabotage your dreams
✧ The REAL reason you have no self-confidence (it’s not because of the way you look!)
✧ How to shift your identity to that of someone who’s confident
✧ The power of questioning your thoughts (PLUS - I share the game-changing questions you need to start asking yourself today!)
✧ How confidence is created within...if it came from your body, then everyone in a “good” body would be perfectly confident and we all know that’s not the case

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Full Episode Transcript:

Hello happy whatever day it is you're listening to that I was gonna say Happy Monday but it's only Monday for me maybe you're listening to this on another day so whatever day it is happy whatever that is for you. I am going to be sharing seven seven secrets to building self confidence today they're gonna be a really powerful and it's not like the normal like I don't know things you like here on the Internet of like standing in front of the mirror and I like Wonder Woman pose and tell yourself you're beautiful like I'm probably works for some people. It's like I don't say that to like, shit on what other people are doing. Like if that works for you, like grow rate, like that's, that's what I'm all about is just like, figuring out what works for you and there's no right or wrong. And it's just like what feels good for you. And confidence was something that I really learned and made a habit and a practice and stepped into as I healed my relationship with food, it like forced me to also evaluate and practice my self confidence because I had to have confidence in the food choices I was making, I'd have confidence that I could work through my issues with food and anxiety around food. So that's kind of like where my like a journey to confidence like stemmed from and now I feel like it's through that process. It's expanding and has expanded to all other areas of my life. So these are the these are the seven things that have really worked for me to help me feel more confident and really adopt that identity of like, I am a confident person and it's safe to be confident. It's Not cocky, to be confident and like it's okay to be confident it's a good thing. And having that having like confidence can make you more magnetic to the experiences and people and just like things in your life that will make you feel good. And a lot of times like self confidence can be a catalyst for improved like thinking and with our thoughts we can feel better when we feel better. We take more inspired actions and when we take more inspired actions, we start creating more of a life. That is what we really want. So let's get into it. So confidence does not come from Like, who you inherently are, confidence does not come from anything outside of you. Confidence does not come from how you look, it doesn't come from the color of your hair, how curly or beautiful Your hair is, how straight Your hair is, what your eyebrows look like, like it does, confidence does not from the size of your body. Any than on the outside confidence is self created on the inside. And it really comes from competence and practice and doing the things that you don't feel confident in is what actually makes you feel confident in them. And so like a lot of my clients who've been through my online course for food freedom, the subtle art of food freedom like they have, they really struggle with feeling confident in their food choices. They don't trust themselves, they don't feel confident that they're making the right choice and they just are almost plagued with indecision. And when I tell them it's like, confidence doesn't come from being like, I'm going to make the right choice and I know exactly what to do. And it comes from like, I'm trusting the process and I'm gonna choose something and choose something and see how it goes. And confidence comes from that practice of trusting yourself. And I really feel like confidence, essentially is self trust. Because the more you trust yourself and believe in yourself, the more confident that you're going to be. And a lot of times, like our brains like want to repeat our habits and patterns and all of our thoughts from the past. There's some quotes like 95% of our thoughts are all the same thoughts. We thought yesterday and the day before and the day before. And so instead of like looking at our past or even looking at right now, to be like, what do I? What? What's gonna make me confident? It's like, No, we need to operate from the future version of ourselves. So who is the version of me who is already confident? Like, what does she think about? How does she behave? How does she act? How does she show up in the world? How does she take care of her self? How does she show up for her friends and her for her family? How does she? What is she not worrying about? What is she let go of? What does she do on a daily basis? What's her morning routine? Like you could get into the nitty gritty of like, Who is that? The future version of you who's already confident? Who is she and how can you step into being that person now because it's not Like you magically get some confidence and then you become that person, like you have to become that person, and then you feel confident. Does that make sense? And so, a lot of times, our lack of self confidence is just our brains excuse to keep us in our comfort zone. And so building self confidence actually requires getting uncomfortable. And like, we also need to remember too that like, a lot of times we think like, Oh, you know, once I'm more confident like, then I'll go to the beach in a bikini or like, once I'm more confident, then I'll join a speaking club and I'll get on stage or for me, and once I'm more confident in my ability to like articulate my ideas and teachings like then I'll start a podcast and like, that's not how it works like me. feeling confident in doing this podcast is going to come from doing this podcast? Like if I sit around waiting and waiting and waiting till I'm confident like, it would never happen. So yeah, building, building the self governance right now and just like going for it and it's uncomfortable, like I've never just sat around in my room with a microphone, talking for hours and hours before so it's different. It's uncomfortable. Yes, my brain is like, Oh my gosh, like, Is anybody gonna listen? Are people gonna like it? Am I am I rambling like mobile, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, okay, sure, I can let my brain go there because that's my experience. And I can get excited that this being uncomfortable is proof that I'm actually building my self confidence in this area. So the reason Yeah, the reason is that we think like, oh, once I'm more confident, then I'll start a business or then I'll finally wear clothes that I like or Like go for this goal or go for the promotion. It's like the you haven't done those things. Because not because you don't have confidence, but you don't have confidence because you haven't done those things. Does that make sense? So we have to step into and be the person who's already confident and then we will be because it will just be who we are. So it's really a practice of like, what would the most confident person in the world do? Right now, maybe that's an extreme but it's like the few you can think about the future version of your even think about like maybe you have a friend that really inspires you who's really confident like what would maybe what what would she do? Or maybe, maybe she's not even confident maybe that's just what you're seeing on the outside. So anyways, stop listening to whatever it is telling you and trust. intuition. Because a lot of times like, the reason we have no self confidence is no self trust because we've we've like put it all on others and outside circumstances like, oh, like, if I once I do this, then I'll be more confident or like, once somebody tells me they love me, then I'll be more confident or like, once my once the cool girls invite me like to their party, then I'll be more confident. And no wonder you have no self confidence and no trust because you are thinking that somebody else is supposed to create that for you when it's actually self created. So we need to turn inward, we need to trust our intuition. We need to build that self trust and that self confidence and that comes from practice and doing it and leaping into the uncomfortable and really shifting our identity to start identifying with confidence. So, like, you might be telling yourself now like all like I'm so not confident, like I'm so bad at confidence. I'll never be confident. It's just not who I am like that's not helping you. Whatever stories we believe about ourselves like they become our reality and our experience. So what if you start telling yourself, I am in the process of becoming more confident, I am more confident every day. Confidence isn't fixed and it's something you can grow. I am on my way to be more confident doing these things that scare me and make me uncomfortable. I'll prove that I'm building my confidence muscle like water, the new stories you can tell yourself and with that you can identify as being someone who is confident like what if it's what if we're all confident What if it's all They're and we just need to like, get rid of all the bullshit that's in our way of it. I'm also like, I have not, I've just been like talking and talking, I've not been counting which of the seven secrets I'm on, but it really doesn't matter. Like, these are just the things that have helped me build self confidence. And so who cares if we're counting them? One? Ah, the next one. So the last one was identifying with confidence This one is question your thoughts and ask yourself better questions. So, have you ever felt confident? What was different in that moment? Like what were the thoughts going through your head in that moment that made you feel more confident and how can you shift your thinking to align more with that and its lack of self confidence comes from our thoughts and the questions were asked. asking ourselves, because our brains are designed to answer any questions we ask them. So when we ask like, why can't I do this? What if I fail? Why am I not more successful yet? What's wrong with me? Is this ever going to work? Why is nothing working for me, your brain is literally going to go on a hunt, and search for all the evidence of why nothing is working for you. And guess how that's going to feel like pretty shitty, right? So what if you start asking yourself better questions of like, how can I make this work? What if I succeed? What's the best that could happen? What would the future version of me do? If I was already filled with confidence? How would I show up? being uncomfortable right now is proof that I'm building my confidence muscle because if I wasn't uncomfortable, then I wouldn't be growing. And you can ask yourself what is working out for me? Right now? What do I have to be confident about? And when you ask yourself those types of questions, You get a lot more empowering answers. So this is really all about shifting your attention. And of course, if all of your energy and attention is focused on like, Oh my God, I hate my body or Oh my God, I need to lose five pounds like you're not going to feel confident or or even respect yourself enough to take care of yourself. So, confidence doesn't come from your body. It doesn't come from things outside of you. It doesn't come from praise or accolades from other people. It comes from your own thoughts and beliefs about yourself and about your life. And if it came from if confidence for example, like came from your body, then all sudden people would be perfectly confident and we all know that's not the case. And if thoughts came from other what other people told us, then you probably would already be confident because I guarantee you there's been plenty of things said to you that if that were true, would have already made you confident so it doesn't come from anything outside of you it comes from within. So we have to focus on the things that will make us feel good and we have to focus on self confidence as a practice and continuing to show up as the person who's already confident believe we already are that person. And then the last one is focusing on best case scenario over worst case scenarios. So for me, like on this podcast, I just recently started it. And I it's was uncomfortable for me. I've never done I'm not confident past podcasting, why would I be I've never done podcasting before. And immediately my brain wants to go to worst case of it. What if nobody listens? What if nobody likes it? What if I make a fool of myself? What if people think I'm weird? And like, are those thoughts helping me? And so instead of focusing on worst case, what if we ask ourselves, well, what's the best case scenario? Well, what if I really help people by sharing what I've been through? And what if just by one person hearing this and having their day or life impacted that that's more than enough? What if I don't need anybody to listen, in order to benefit from doing this? What if I can feel confident and enjoy doing it? regardless of who's listening? Or how many of you are listening? So yeah, focus on the Ask yourself, what's the best that could happen? And when you notice your brain going to the worst case, immediately ask the question, what's the best case scenario here? So like, for example, like what An example with your relationship with food like, worst case could be like, Oh my god, like, what if this? What if I make the wrong food choice? Like what if this? Like makes me fat? Like, what if I could never become an intuitive eater? That's worst case. What if you ask yourself, what's the best case scenario here? So what if I'm getting better at intuitive eating every day? What if I'm becoming more confident? Every day? What if everything is fine? What if I eat this food that I'm scared to eat? And it goes, great, like, how confident will I feel when I know when I do it? And I know I can do that. So again, just focusing on the best case over worst case, because our brains really are designed to go to that worst case. So it really has to be a practice to focus on. Best case, and that's something I've been doing in my journal every day is I asked myself every day what is working for me? Or you could even ask yourself like, what is the best case scenario of the circumstances going on right now? Um, okay, so let me recap the seven things. I don't even know if there were seven now because I, I could have like, said four things. Okay? I'm just gonna go in backwards order. So, number one, question your thoughts and ask yourself better questions. Number two, identify with confidence. start telling yourself this story of like, I am the type of person who is confident I'm the type of person who's willing to take action before I'm confident right, like confidence and clarity and self trust. Don't come from your thoughts and waiting and waiting and waiting to feel confident and clear. It comes from taking action before you're ready. So identify with confidence, identify as a person Who takes action and does the scary uncomfortable things before they're confident because you know that's what builds confidence and third one focus on best case over worst case and I'm so not going in order bear with me it's it's fine. to focus on best case ever worst case train your brain to focus there and stop listening to what everyone else is telling you and trust your intuition, self confidence and self trust don't come from other people it comes from within you and so how can you self create this confidence? What do you need to do? Who do you need to be in order to self create that confidence? fifth one is get comfortable being uncomfortable. Choose discomfort choose to take action before you're ready. Choose to start the podcast before you're really comfortable in it. Choose to show about the beach in a bikini that makes you feel like about us. before you're fully confident and choose to eat the food that scares you or you think is bad before you feel confident in it, choose to start a business before you feel confident in it. Okay? So get comfortable being uncomfortable. sixth one is operate from the future version of you, who is all ready, confident, who is she? What is she like? How can you be her now and operate from her beliefs and her mindset? Now? And you can do that in? That's something another powerful question you can ask yourself in situations where you really, really don't feel confident, you can ask yourself, like, what would the future version of me do? What would she think about this? How would she handle this and just see what comes up, see if you can trust that that's your intuition. That's your higher self speaking to you. And the last one is confidence. comes from competence, meaning, practice doing those things that you don't feel confident in. Because confidence is like a muscle. The more you practice it, the more you do it, the more you will feel confident. So that's it. That's all I've got for you today. thanks for bearing with me as it was all jumbled up. But hopefully it all made sense. And I really hope this helps you. And this doesn't mean like all of a sudden, tomorrow, I have to implement these seven things like that can be overwhelming. Maybe you pick one to really commit to like this week, I'm going to ask myself every day, what would the future version of me who's already confident do today? How would she show up today? Like maybe you just start there with one thing so whatever feels good for you pick and choose which of these feel good for you. Try them out, practice experiment. It's just a big experiment to see what What works for you what feels good and what doesn't? And yeah, so let me know how this goes. I would love to hear if these tips to building self confidence helped you and I will see you on the next episode.