Releasing the Fear of Disapproval in Close Relationships

heal your energy intuition podcast Jan 26, 2023

Do you feel like you’re holding back from your true alignment because someone close to you won't approve?

Do you feel like you’re constantly trying to figure out the “right” thing to do to avoid others' disapproval or gain their approval?

Do you expend a lot of energy contorting yourself so you don’t upset other people or have them think less of you?

If any of these resonate, I’m so excited to share this with you.

Earlier in 2022, I started feeling like my alignment and what I could or couldn’t do was dependent on what my husband would think about it. It was exhausting constantly trying to do what I thought he would think I should do.

In this post, I’m sharing how I freed myself from this pattern and came back to being able to follow my own alignment and intuition over what my mind was conditioned to think it was “supposed to” to do in order to maintain other’s approval.

Whether it's fearing spending money because of what your partner will think, fearing quitting your job because of what your family will think or fearing anything else based on what others will think or how they’ll react, this will help you let it go so you can return to your natural inner wisdom and clarity rather than fear, worry and “shoulds”.

How The Fear of Disapproval Was Coming Up For Me

My husband and I got married in March 2022. As we began our journey of navigating money together, I started feeling really uncomfortable spending money and super worried about what my husband would think:

He’s going to think I shouldn’t spend money or am not deserving of spending money because I’m not making as much
He’s going to think I’m blowing all his money recklessly
Who am I to have it this easy when he’s at work working really hard?

The tipping point of awareness came when I went to Crate & Barrel one day. I had this inspired idea to redesign my bathroom and found the perfect items that matched my vision. It felt so aligning and I found exactly what I wanted.

As soon as I got to the checkout counter, a huge wave of worry and guilt came over me.

“OMG what is he going to think when I walk in the door with all this new stuff we don’t really need? Is he going to be mad? Is he going to think I don’t deserve to be shopping and spending money while he’s working hard?”

I started to realize that I’d been making SO many of my decisions based on:

What will upset him? What won’t?
What will he approve of? What will he not approve of?
Will he be okay with this? Will he not be okay with this?
What will cause the least upset in him or bring the most approval?

I was completely abandoning my own intuition and there was so much emotional charge around it, that even when I did follow my own alignment, it didn’t feel good because there was so much guilt and fear of how he’d react.

It also didn’t feel good when I didn’t follow my own alignment (what intuitively felt right to me) and did what I thought he would approve of. It felt very restrictive and like I was abandoning myself.

The funny thing is that ALL the energy I expended on avoiding disapproval didn’t even work. He was actually thinking so many of the things I was afraid of. As the law of attraction would perfectly have it, the fears I conjured up in my mind were almost exactly mirrored back to me by him.

This pattern was making me miserable and it wasn’t good for our relationship. I knew it was time for things to shift.

I started recognizing and releasing the emotions as they came up, tuning inward instead of doing what I thought he’d think I should do and trusting what unfolded from there, even if he didn’t approve.

Within a few weeks, everything changed.

I was no longer weighed down by fear, guilt and worry. I felt a lot lighter, a lot more free and it was so much easier to follow my own intuition. I no longer avoid disapproval at all costs. I follow my own alignment and trust what unfolds from there. If someone doesn’t approve, I let them. I don’t make it my job to change myself in order to get them to feel and think differently.

Whether they approve or not, I’m good. Whereas before, my “okayness” was dependent on having the approval. It’s been truly life-changing.

Where Is The Fear of Disapproval Showing Up For You?

I share my experience to help you tune into where this is showing up for you.

Where in your life are you dimming your own alignment for the sake of avoiding approval? Maybe it’s with your partner, parents, friends or your kids.

And are you ready to let that pattern go? Are you willing to have the courage to be disapproved of?

The freedom that comes from following your own alignment is so much greater than the temporary discomfort that comes from doing something we’re afraid someone else won’t approve of.

You get to choose to become aware of where this is coming up for you and engage with your emotional reactions in a new, more free, more empowered way so you can experience more depth, love and authenticity in your relationships and freedom within yourself.

Below, I’m going to share how I let this go and came back to being able to follow my own alignment without all of the fear, guilt and worry.

How To Release The Fear of Disapproval In Close Relationships.

1. Awareness

The first key is becoming aware when this comes up for you. The reason it feels SO real that it’s NOT okay to experience disapproval is the emotional charge connected to it.

Without the emotional charge, you’d feel free to act according to your own alignment and intuition. The emotional charge, or pain-body as Eckhart Tolle would call it, comes from a past emotion that wasn’t fully felt or released so it got “stuck” in the body and certain situations can trigger it to come back up to the surface.

When you become aware of the emotional charge, you realize it’s just a feeling passing through you that’s creating this experience. Instead of needing to “obey” the emotional charge by reacting in your habitual ways of avoiding disapproval, you can feel and release the feeling.

2. Feel and release the emotional charge

Once you’re aware, you’ll want to locate where the emotional charge is in the body. Maybe it’s a tightness in the chest or pit in the stomach.

When you send your awareness into the feeling and feel it directly, you are able to transmute the feeling back into free flowing energy and it no longer controls your thinking and actions. You can learn how to do this in an inner voice session.

3. Follow your intuition

Once the emotional charge is released, it’s easy to act in alignment with your intuition.

A question you can ask yourself to determine if you’re reacting to the emotional charge or actually acting in alignment with your intuition is:

Is this coming from reaction/seeking approval/avoiding disapproval or clean, clear intuition?

If it’s coming from a reaction, return to where the feeling is in the body and continue to feel and process it.

It really is that simple…

become aware
find the feeling and directly feel it to release it
then follow the intuition that flows from there

If you practice this each time the fear of disapproval arises for you, you will find that it dissolves more and more and eventually, it will be completely gone.

Want Support Accessing Your Intuition?

I'm here to support you in accessing your own inner wisdom and releasing the stagnant energy in the body "blocking" your natural clarity, trust and alignment. If your intuition feels called to it, I'm excited to work with you. You can book an inner voice session here.

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Listen to the Podcast Episode: Releasing the Fear of Disapproval in Close Relationships

In this episode, I share how to make this shift from "what will cause the least upset in others?" to "what is most aligning for me?" in a flowing, easeful way that leaves you with more clarity, freedom and magic in your life.

I also lead a guided meditation (starts 15 minutes in) to help you begin taking this from a concept to actually integrating it into your body and life.