My Sacred Sexuality Journey

Welcome back to Sacred Sexuality Month on the podcast! This one is a solo episode with yours truly. I'm sharing all about my journey with sacred sexuality:

In this episode, you'll learn:

✧ What sacred sexuality means to me
✧  How I healed deeper layers of my sexual trauma
✧  How self-pleasure and yoni massage can help you release stuck, unprocessed energy and trauma and open you up to experiencing deeper pleasure and orgasms
✧  Learning how to allow and receive pleasure
✧  The book that taught me how to have a G-spot orgasm
✧  Why breathing and relaxing during sex is so important
✧  How to remain open when your tendency is to shut down
✧  Why I took my IUD out
✧  How Trevor and I have increased our sexual polarity and desire by embodying our divine masculine/feminine essences
✧  How I navigated the fear of commitment and getting married

🔮 Resources:

Links mentioned in this episode:

Check Out Kim Anami's Vaginal Kung Fu Course here

Sign Up For Energy Ecstasy Free Masterclass

Sacred Sexuality books mentioned in this episode that I recommend:

Intimate communion

Female ejaculation

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Full Episode Transcript:

Hello, and welcome to the magnetical you podcast. I'm your host Madison's or Diag, I'm a mindset energy coach here to help you feel your freaking best and manifest a life full of magic miracles and abundance. I know that whatever led you here did not happen by coincidence. So I am so excited and grateful to have you here. So let's let the magic begin.

Hi, and welcome back to the magnetically you podcast. I'm your host Madison and I'm so excited I just accidentally muted it. I am like having all kinds of weird things. So this is my second time recording the intro the first time I realized it was connected to my air pods, even though my air pods are in their case, so you wouldn't have heard anything. And I just accidentally put myself on mute. So here we are, we're going to continue this episode is going to be really juicy I'm going to be really sharing honestly and openly and transparently the journey that I've been on the last year really diving deeper into healing more layers of the sexual trauma that I experienced as a kid and really stepping into sacred sexuality. And to me that just means allowing sex to be a sacred spiritual practice allowing it to be a portal to higher states of consciousness allowing it to be a portal to deeper connection allowing it to be a portal to our connection to the divine, allowing it to be a portal to bringing up the shit within us. And by shit I mean, like and not that it's not bad. I'm not need to label anything that is wrong or bad because we all have where these these traumas, these conditionings these old emotions that get stuck and oftentimes when it's related to sex, it gets stored in the vagina, it's like old stuck energy gets stored and trapped there and so it's like through this practice we can loosen up those energies and allow them to become free flowing again free flowing life for so rather than being like stuck frozen energy by we transmute it back into lifeforce energy back into our power. So that's really what in my eyes, sacred sexuality is all about. And this whole journey really started for me when I discovered Kim adamis work. It's her podcast is called orgasmic enlightenment. And I went on a binge of her podcast, this was in like, 2019, I love to work, I decided, oh, my gosh, I want to join one of her programs. So I went to join in like, the one I wanted to join wasn't going to open again for like six months. So I kind of just like, let it float away.

And then I was talking to my coach one day, and she was like, oh, yeah, I just signed up for this like super badass woman's course. And I'm like, Oh, what is it? And she's like, well, fucked woman, kemin Ami, and I'm like, when does it start? She's like, tomorrow. I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. Like, I wanted to join this course like a year ago forgot about it. And now you're telling me the day before it opens about it and bringing it back into my awareness. Like this is not a coincidence, right? Like this is synchronicity. And I went and joined immediately. And I'm so glad I did. Because it was like, so transformational. And so life changing. And that program was really kind of opened the floodgates to so much healing and transformation in this area for me, which I'm going to be sharing more about in this episode. And because it was so transformational for me, that's why I'm doing the sacred sexuality month on the podcast. If you didn't know the lot, all of the January episodes are going to be focused on this topic. So in this episode, I'm sharing like my journey and lessons. And then we've had some like really, really amazing guests. Kim is actually coming on. And I'm not sure I think it's the episode after this, or it's the one before this, but look out for it. I think it's the one before this actually, now that I'm saying it. So that'll be amazing. Lots of other amazing guests and experts. And because Kim's work was really so transformational for me, I asked her if I could become an affiliate. So I'm an affiliate for programs. Her next program is opening up January 27. It's called vaginal kung fu it's really all about tapping into the power in the vagina and really reclaiming your sexual power your sexual energy because it's like that energy is lifeforce energy, it shows up in your, in your life, in your relationships, in your creativity, in your business, in your work in everything that you do. It's all connected. So it's yeah, really, really powerful. So if that calls to you, the link is in the show notes to watch her free video series and check out more information and join if if that speaks to you. So here we go. I'm going to share kind of like what all unraveled for me since I took that course and kind of really opened myself up into into doing this organs into really diving into it. So the first really, really big thing that kind of like came through was just healing more layers of sexual trauma. So as I did the work and Kim's course and was doing the self pleasuring practices and was doing the Yoni massage practices and Yoni just means vagina, if you're wondering doing the Yoni massage, doing this work digging into, where am I not open? Where do I close? Down? Where does it get really uncomfortable with sex, right, and just like leaning into all of that, and dancing with all of that, and what it kind of like, brought forward was more energy around this sexual trauma that I experienced as a kid to kind of like, come forward, because it was ready to be released, right, because it was ready, it was coming to the surface because it was ready to be released. And I share more about it, I think in Episode 99, so I shared more about my sexual trauma healing journey, and what that looked like, up until last year. Because I there had, I mean, it had been, like, I don't know, 15 years of moving through it and, and healing. And a lot of those years were not healing and numbing and avoiding. And then I share more about how I started, like beginning to heal that. And I've just gone so much deeper into healing, not in the last year. And I finally got to this place where I had done enough healing to feel comfortable in sharing my journey. And it was something I really wanted to do and felt called to do, because I knew it was going to serve so many people, and also like draw forward a, like deep transformation in me by calling upon that strength to be able to share something so invulnerable, something that I had only told, like, I didn't tell anyone for like 10 years. And then even the last few years, I had only told you know, like five of my closest friends and my family didn't even know because I couldn't bring myself to tell them the the energies in my body. When I thought about it were just so overwhelming that I like couldn't bring myself to do it. And then through healing these deeper layers, it's I got to that place where I was like, okay, like, here we go, I'm ready. So I shared it with my family, which was like a huge transformation. Again, I share more about that episode 99, if you want to dive more into that, and shared it on the podcast, which was just really, really liberating for me to not necessarily the sharing in and of itself, because I don't think we have to tell people, if that's not, you know, in our path at the moment, but it was more about I knew it was in my path. I knew it was time and I had become the person who was capable of sharing so something that was so uncomfortable to share. And yeah, it just opened up a lot. For me it was a really beautiful experience in communication, and feeling discomfort and following my truth anyways, because a lot of times we think oh, discomfort means don't do it. And maybe sometimes that's the case. But for me, it was like the disc I knew in my heart it was like time to share, right and it was just like the discomfort. I had increased my tolerance for discomfort so much over the last few years, especially in the last year working with my coach and with all this stuff that I had just become the person who was able to feel the discomfort and follow my truth. Anyways, share my truth. Anyway. So that was the first big kind of like transformation that came through doing this work. And then the second was really learning how to allow and receive pleasure and increase my tolerance for pleasure. So our tolerance for discomfort is directly correlated with our tolerance for pleasure, our tolerance for receiving and this isn't just like physical receiving through sex, it's it's your tolerance for receiving love for receiving abundance for receiving joy for receiving more in your life. And that was really cultivated like I didn't even know the pleasure that was available because I had shut down and closed down and numb to it so much and I would like close up before and tighten up instead of relaxing into him breathing into and allowing myself to like actually feel and receive pleasure during sex and life in general. And so

this was really like cultivated through a self pleasure practice and breathing into that relaxing into that exploring my own body exploring where there was tenderness exploring where there was discomfort breathing into that feeling into that allowing that and, and also breathing into where there was pleasure and allowing that and feeling that instead of rushing to orgasm you kind of like I don't know miss some of the the magic and the transformation that's in being able to hold pleasure before releasing it allow pleasure before going straight to to release. And so this was also a practice with Trevor as well not just with myself it really learning to, to breathe, like I used to, like hold my breath so much. And it's like when you breathe and allow your like practice allowing your body to relax, to let go of tension, you're able to open up to so much more pleasure and sensation in your body. And especially as a lot of those old stuck energies dissolve through self pleasure through massage through breathing and feeling into it, it's like you open up, it's like the numbness starts going away. And it's like, your view becomes so much more like, I don't know if sensitive is the word I'm looking for. But like sensitive to pleasure, you can feel like you can feel so much more. Because you're it's like you're D numbing, it's like I was D numbing, myself and through Kim's work a big part of what she teaches is, you know how to have deeper vaginal orgasm. So rather than just having clitoral orgasms, which she kind of refers to more as like junk food, sex, there's like gourmet sex, where it's like these deeper vaginal orgasms that really, like transform you energetically, emotionally and bring you deeper into into transformation into higher states of consciousness. So that was really fun, like learning how to have G Spot orgasms in that program. And it just Yeah, it definitely feels a lot different, a lot more pleasurable. And it was also definitely a practice because it required more time, more patience, more breathing more learning how to relax, instead of tensing up and holding my breath. And sometimes it would get frustrating, and I would shut down. And, you know, we'd, it was so much like newness and vulnerability and letting go of the old ways of like moving and doing things and like leaning more into, into the unknown. And for Trevor and I it was, it was challenging for both of us, because he's like, What the fuck is happening like this is I thought everything was fine. Like, what are you doing, this is also new, and it was like, so uncomfortable. And for me, it was really uncomfortable, as well, too. And sometimes we'd both like close up and shut down. And you know, eventually we were able to like, move through that. And with that, and on the other side find like so much more connection, so much more pleasure and so much more like synergy in our sex. So that was a huge practice. And one of one of the books that really supported me in being able to have those deeper vaginal orgasms is a book called female ejaculation. I think that's what it's called. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna link it in the show notes in case you're interested in checking that out. It's really cool, because it's basically like a step by step tutorial to get you there. And it's like, the first time I tried it, I gosh, like all over the place. It was really a special experience. And it's interesting, even being able like to be comfortable talking about this on the podcast, I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe I just said that. Right? And at the same time, it's like, Fuck, yeah, this is, uh, this is what's available to us. And it's like, fuck, like the taboo pneus around sex and like hiding and being like, oh, like, I'm a good little lady. And we don't like, talk about it. It's like, No, I want to share this because I want you to know that like, this is available for you to like, there's so much more to receive from sex than we've been taught to believe. And especially like women are really, like, conditioned to focus on the demand and their pleasure. And did we just kind of like scoot ourselves to the side and like, numb out and it's like, No, it's for, it's for both people. Right? So, okay, what else? Something else that kind of came through intuitively through all of this is I had this an inner voice session was my coach and my inner voice was like, You need to take your IUD out. And I'm like, okay, like, I don't know this. So I've had it for four years. It seems to be working like it I don't know about this. And around that time I started having just like really, really severe pains in my stomach. And it was like my, I was just so clear that my body and my intuition really get this thing the fuck out of your body. So I did, and I worked with, I hired a coach to practice a natural fertility, or I should say, a natural fertility method of avoiding pregnancy. And that was insane. It's been like six months now that I've been doing that probably. And I say, finally, finally, we're in a flow with it, Trevor and I because in the beginning, it was really, really difficult because we went from being able to just like, oh, whenever we want to have sex, let's have sex. The IUD is like Goddess, like covered in terms of not having a child, which we aren't quite there yet. And with this method, there was like, there were a like, especially because I was being really, really, really conservative with following the guidelines in the beginning, as I was learning how to listen to the signs and signals from my body, which was like, this was just like a whole new level of self dress. And I had built up so much self trust that I was able to know that, yeah, I'm going to be able to do this, I'm going to be able to trust my body, I'm going to be able to listen to my body, I can trust myself, I can trust, I felt called to take out this IUD, I can trust myself to tune in to the signs and signals from my body. But anyways, in the beginning, it was hard because it was so different from what we were used to. And it would be really, like, frustrating, and we would like, want to have sex, and then we couldn't, and we were both like, shut down and pull away from each other rather than coming together. And it was really, really frustrating for Trevor, because he's like, What the fuck? Like, why did we have to do this again. And I'm like, my intuition told me to like, just trust me on this one. And I've done enough personal development to know that, like, on the other side of like, discomfort is so much growth and so much power and magic there. So I knew that was coming. And I was trusting that was coming, I think it was a little bit harder for Trevor to trust that it was going to get better. And I'm like, Just trust me, I will let the let's give it six months, and then we can make a new decision. If it doesn't seem to still be working. For us. That was like a huge, like, uphill battle for like several months, just navigating that whole situation. And then eventually, like now we're at this place where it's like, we're really in like a flow with it and a groove with it. And it feels really, really good to be too heavy to like, listen to my body and like do what was right for me, even though most people might think that was crazy. That's cool. Okay, the next big kind of like area of growth is really embodying and expressing and being in more of my natural feminine essence, rather than the like, Shadow your sides of the masculine energy, like control and force and like really just softening, letting go, opening, being more playful more in this energy of receiving more in this energy of pleasure, like following my hell yes. Following what felt like pleasure following what felt good, playing in the unknown, dancing in the unknown, being more creative, right? So it was, this has been something that I've really been practicing, because I know this is like my natural energy, my natural essence. And it's like, when ever like the tendency to control comes up. It's really just fear and my ego wanting to keep me safe and old patterns. So the big kind of things I've been practicing kind of within this is opening when I'm hurt. So my old pattern used to be with Trevor, when I would feel hurt or triggered, I would shut down, I would hide I would like want to go in my room and close the door, I would want to end the conversation I would want to completely just like, close up like, don't talk to me, don't touch me. Don't look at me, like just go into my like little cocoon where I thought I could be safe from the world, right? And now in the last few months, it's really been a practice for me to not shut down to not hide. When I'm triggered when I feel vulnerable. When I feel hurt and to feel go instead of going into the story of it instead of going into the habitual reaction of like hiding and running from it. I've been practicing going into the feelings and be like okay, where's this in my body like, oh, it's in my heart. Okay, let me feel into that breathe into that and, and sharing that with Trevor. Like, oh, instead of like running away and be like, Wow, I can't do this. Instead of like sharing with him or, or reacting by wanting to control him, or tell him you did this thing wrong, and he shouldn't do this. And instead being like, Oh, I noticed my heart just closed and my body shut down, and just sharing that with him. And then instead of reacting and lashing out and hiding, or however I would normally react and such as breathing, and staying in the sensations like staying open and vulnerable within the hurt, and just noticing what I feel, sharing what I feel. And that is been such a huge practice and such a huge game changer for truprint. Because it's our relationship has always been awesome and always has gotten better and better and better on this has just brought us like so much closer, right? Like vulnerability is is the doorway to deeper connection. And when we can remain have an open heart, even when we're hurt. And even when we're triggered, it's like that's really where the transformation in the relationship is. So that's been really, really transformational, allowing Trevor to lead and letting go of control. So like, one funny example of this was my sister was in town visiting about like a month or two ago, and trogdor had done his laundry, and he hung up his pants on a hanger, but it wasn't a hanger where you can like clip the pants and like the pants are free to like air out and dry out, right? These are wet pants that he wanted to like hang dry. Instead, he like folded them in half and then folded them over the hanger. Like, I looked at them. And I'm like, Oh my God, these are never going to dry, it's going to take like a week, because they're like folded on top of themselves. Like they're going to get moldy. They're going to get nasty, like I should fix this. And so I noticed myself these are grabbing the pants and like fixing them. And I was like wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. I'm like this is not mine to fix. Or control. Like he is an adult, if he wants to hang his pants and fold his pants in this way that my mind would think is not the quote right way. Like I can let it go. I can let him have his own experience with his Saki pants. So that was like just like a funny way, right? Like notice that recognize that and then chose to lean into, into my feminine essence of surrender and letting go rather than falling into that tendency to go into, into control into fixing. And I've really been playing with letting Trevor lead. So we haven't been hiking much recently, because it's been cold. But in the fall, like on the weekend, I would really just like let go and like give him the reins on the entire day. So really just like, open the space for him to lead and plan the entire day. So he would pick the hike. And he'd be like, Oh, do you want to do this one or this one? I'd be like, whatever you think, like I trust you, whatever you think. And so that's like a great way to kind of like, let go of control and invite your partner to step into their divine masculine is reflecting back to them. Oh, well, what do you think I trust you, whatever you think is best. And we would have like just really, really, really amazing days where like, I would let him make all the decisions, we would go to lunch and he would be like, Oh, what do you want to get? I'd be like, Oh, why don't you like, Would you be willing to like, choose to things for us to share. And like, just totally like letting go of control letting go the reins. And it's like, by doing that, it's like I was able to feel so in my feminine. So in my flow. So free, so alive, so creative. And like he was able to feel into his, like divine masculine leadership. And it was yeah, it was, it's been a really, really cool practice playing with the energy of polarity. And the more I lean into my feminine energy, the more he is able to step into his divine masculine energy, and leadership because it's like, if I'm in control and criticism, then it's like I've noticed patterns where I was tearing down his confidence to lead because I would be like, I would couldn't I would try to control it or I would criticize her and make him wrong for and then of course, it's like well, of course like he doesn't want to lead or make the decision make decisions for us if I'm going to like criticize them and control him make him feel awful about it. Right. So it's like a really a practice of like shifting that dynamic that I feel like I had created through that need and want to control and criticize and it's like the more I let go of that it's like the more he had space to step into that divine masculine energy. And the more I felt safe and free to flow in mind divine feminine energy. So it's yeah, a really, really beautiful dance of energy. And there's a really amazing book I read about polarity if you want to like dive more into that topic specifically, it's called in To make communion and the way he writes about what feminine essences and what masculine essences is just really, really beautiful and inspiring. So I really enjoyed that book. And I'll link I'll link all the books I talked about in the show notes. Okay, what else there's so many, like, there's just so many things. And hopefully this is helpful me just sharing openly and honestly, like the different pieces of my journey, what I've been working through what I've been working on. And I hope that invites you to reflect like where you're at with these different pieces, and like where you might be called to grow called to explore. So what else it's also been really cool to because our we're getting married in like two months, which I'm really, really excited about, I feel really grounded in it really solid really ready. And that's not how I felt a few months ago, I was kind of freaking the fuck out. And I was getting like so afraid of the commitment, like, Oh, my God, what if we, what if we change our mind in 10 years? What if we become different people, and we don't like each other anymore. And it was the wrong decision, and we shouldn't have done it. And then we wasted those 10 years. And then we have kids together. And my brain was wanting to like, have a heyday. And what I realized after kind of like allowing myself to just feel into what was coming up and experience that for a few weeks, as I my inner voice, like was so clear that what's coming up is that marriage is a spiritual portal, like there's no escape route. So you actually have to work through shit, you actually have to be vulnerable, you actually have to be open, you actually have to tear down your fucking barriers, you actually have to look at your shadows, because our our partners are the greatest mirror for our own shadows for the our own triggers for the things we need to work through. And I was like, Oh, she. And so it was really like that shift in seeing it as an initiate, like marriage as an initiation into higher consciousness as like, and I was I could see that my fear of commitment, and allowing myself to know like, Yes, I'm making the right decision, I can trust myself, like, it's okay, it's safe, safe to get married and safe to make this commitment. And I noticed that it was like that fear commitment was really the fear of transcendence was the fear of dissolving my own shadows, the fear of completely opening completely being vulnerable with someone and committing to doing that deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper, right, like, that's what happens in an intimate communion and intimate partnerships. So that was a huge shift. And it just, it feels really, really good to feel really like just so anchored and solid and grounded. And then I'm getting really excited. And yes, that's in a couple months. So I'm sure I'll have more to share then. And we've also hired a coach that we're working with, we've only had one session but it was really really transformational knowledge just going deeper into the polarity work and Trevor really honoring and being an His divine feminine or divine masculine to me really honoring and being in my divine feminine. And we're really working on our communication and communicating with love. One of the big things we've been working on his knee opening, staying open when I'm hurt and vulnerable when I'm hurt. And we I mean, we've only had one session, but it was already so transformation on after our first session we went to to loom and it was just like, the best vacation we've ever been on and it like deeply, deeply, deeply reconnected us and it was just so powerful. So yeah, that's basically everything I wanted to share today. And I hope this inspires you to dive into where you can do, where you have some healing to do with maybe sexual trauma or some exploration you want to do with sex, whether you're in a relationship or not, this is like work that we can dive into. And yeah, it's really powerful and like Trevor and I's communication is so much better sex is so much better. Our just whole relationship has expanded and grown so much and I'm really excited to as I go even deeper into this work, like continue seeing how that transforms things for us. And like for me, personally like it feels really really good to be in my feminine energy to let go of control and to flow into surrender and to receive like it's just been a really amazing transformation and yeah, just so much more pleasure and like and also like related to that just feeling so much more in my power and like connected to like the sacred sensual like playful being within me and allowing myself to like express that and be in that in flow and

that in playing that I just feel feels really good, so I'm gonna leave it there. If this episode helped you in any way, I would absolutely love to hear from you what stood out to you? What is it that you want to work on like what came up for you feel free to message me on Instagram at Madison dot Arnhold or share this episode and tag B so your friends can check it out and hear and dive into this journey as well. And if you're interested in Kim's course, the link for that's in the show notes all the books I talked about those links will be in the show notes. And if you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me on Instagram. I'm Madison dark dot Arnhold. And the last thing I wanted to share is that I do have some private coaching spaces open for 2022. So if you are ready to get the fuck out of your own way, get the fuck out of your comfort zone, dissolve the barriers and blocks and ways of being that have been holding you back and really really step into your next level of personal power confidently courageously and powerfully. I can help you and my coaching program is such a portal for transformation and the woman coming into this container just so incredible and so amazing. And I'm so grateful. And yeah, if you feel called to work with me, I'd be so honored to work with you and support you and your growth and in your healing and in stepping into your next level. So if that speaks to you, you can click the link in the show notes to book a free console call with me. And I will see you on the next episode. Thank you so much for listening to the magnetically your podcast. If this episode served you I ask that you share it with someone who could make a difference for or share it on social media and tag me magnetically you make sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss any of the magic. And it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review on iTunes. Thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart for being here. And I will see you in the next episode.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai